Letters to a stranger
by Britty Bee
Summary: Please read, this story might be triggering for people. Includes severe depression and self harm. Hermoine is not coping well after the war, and everyone else is moving on. So she writes an ad in the Daily Prophet for someone to talk to, someone to did not know her past or who she was.
1. Chapter 1

Hermoine Granger was not okay. Through the war she had stayed strong for Harry and Ron, she was there when Harry fell into a deep depression about the realization that he had been carrying a part of Voldemort's soul. Ron had also fell into a deep depression for the loss of his brother, Hermoine had been there for him through it all. Maybe Harry and Ron had forgotten what she did prior to the hunt for horcruxes, and unreversable obliviation on her parents. Once the dust settled from the war, the ministry offered the trio a pass for the NEWTS so they could immediately start helping. Of course, Harry and Ron jumped into auror training, while the gift was very nice, Hermoine was never one miss a test.

Which led to today, her trip back on the Hogwarts express. The war had also taken a toll out on Ginny, but she was using sex to cope. So Hermoine sat alone in her own compartment reading a muggle romance novel. Would she have decided to come back if she knew she would be this alone?

A voice interrupted Hermoine from her thoughts, "Granger, do you mind if I sit in here?" Draco Malfoy was halfway in the compartment as he asked. Since the Malfoy's defected in the war, the other snakes were not very happy. He had already been attacked once on the platform.

"As long as you're quiet," She turned back to her book giving him a small smile as he sat down across from her.

"Are you head girl this year?" Her eyes flicked up from her book and gave him a quick nod.

"I'm head boy, we get our own chambers. It will be so nice to actually live alone, plus living with you it's bound to be quiet."

Hermoine closed her book and looked out the window, "Hopefully not too quiet."

Draco left her to her thoughts for most of the train ride, until Professor Snape found them for the prefect meeting.

The great hall was full of noise when the feast started. Ginny had sat next to her chatting away about some boy she had been seeing. "Herm, do you want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend? I need some sugar quills." Hermoine nodded, she needed a few new books to read.

They watched the first years get sorted and then walked to their respected dorms. Draco was already in their dorm checking it out, "Granger, you need to see this tub! You could fit about four people in here." Hermoine gave him a small smile, it must be nice to get excited over the little things.

Closing the door to her bedroom, warding it and silencing it. She fell to the bed in tears, why had she come back to Hogwarts? She couldn't even cope when she was around Harry and Ron, too busy caring for them. Throwing herself in schoolwork would not help the lingering depression.

Hermoine had read in her younger years about depression and coping methods, she never thought she would get this deep. During the summer Harry and Ron used to get nightmares pretty much nightly, Hermoine did not sleep much so she could help them. One very bad night for Harry, he lashed out at her when he woke up. She had a black eye for almost a week, but in that moment. In the pain, she felt alive. From then it progressed from scratches, to cuts with a razor blade. There was something about the pain, it was addicting. Harry and the Weasley's never suspected anything, so she kept going. It wasn't long before her legs were covered in small cuts and healing scars. With Hogwarts coming up she had started to cut higher on her thigh, that way her skirt could cover.

Pulling her trusty razor from her trunk she sat back down on the bed. She still had about three cuts on her upper thigh that were still closing from the night before.

"One more... just one more." She whispered, pulling up her skirt to where the other cuts were. Lightly pressing the razor against the smooth skin of her thigh, letting out a small cry at the pain. One was never enough, and before she fell out of the haze of the pain there were four new cuts on her leg. Pulling out a small cloth she dabbed the blood away. With using a razor, the cuts were not deep enough to be serious, but big enough to scar.

After changing for bed, she lay awake staring at the ceiling. She needed someone to talk to, someone that didn't know she was a war hero. Where she could cry for help to a person who had no idea who she was. Blowing out the candle she rolled over in bed, she needed her rest for classes starting tomorrow.

Over the summer she had charmed all her tights so that they were sheer and would not show anything under them. Her scars were safe, but what she safe from herself?

Meeting up in the common room the next morning, Hermoine and Draco headed to the great hall for breakfast. The Gryffindor's and Slytherins had potions class right after breakfast with Professor Snape. Since the war Hermione had been harboring a big crush on the dark-haired professor. Saving him in the shrieking shack had not been her plan, but she could never leave someone suffering, no matter how terrible they had treated in the past. Spying him eating breakfast at the head table, she sat down with Ginny.

"Potions with Snape first thing? Hopefully after last year he's softened up a bit." Ginny complained, piling food onto her plate.

"We all cope in our own ways Ginny," Hermoine said softly buttering her toast and pouring a large cup of tea. When she was younger, she had loved putting as much sugar as possible into her tea, but as she grew the bitter taste had become appealing.

Meeting with Draco as they left the great hall, they walked down to the potion's classroom. "Granger, want to partner up?"

"Don't worry about me, I think Blaise is my next target," Ginny chirped in from Hermione's right side.

"Yes, Draco I'll partner with you. We need to make you a nickname, something easier to say."

"Ferret!" Hermione rolled her eyes at Ginny's antics.

"But Draco is a nickname, my full name is Draconis." Malfoy complained as they neared the potions classroom. The girls burst into laughter, earning a glare from Professor Snape.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, the last chapter got cut off and the end did not publish. **

**Thank you to those who reviewed and favorited, it means a lot. **

**I do not own Harry Potter, now on with the story!**

As the trio entered the classroom many of the students were already seated, Ginny spotted Blaise and ran to sit next to him. Hermoine and Draco found a desk in the front of the classroom, she couldn't help but to look up at Professor Snape.

"Since, as this is a NEWT level class, I am expecting greatness from each of you. Mistakes will not be tolerated, as will any sort of teenage behavior. Today we are working on theory, open your books to page 74."

As the class opened their books, Professor Snape began handing out the syllabus for the upcoming year. At the end of the year, they were tasked with creating a potion with their desk partner.

**(This is where chapter one ended)**

After Potions class was a quick study period and then lunch. Hermoine sat at the Gryffindor table with Ginny, too many thoughts swirling in her head.

She would never have a chance with Professor Snape, it's just a teenage crush. You're trapped in a castle with so many teenage boys, of course you're attracted to the smartest man. He would never want her, she was ugly. Over the years, she had heard every insult possible about her hair, her blood, and now with her biggest secret of all. Nobody could find out about her cutting.

After a quick Charms class, where nothing important happened. Just reviewing spells, they had learned the previous year.

Hermoine went up to her dorm after charms, she still had a few hours before dinner.

Laying on her bed with a quill poised to write… what was she looking for.

A friend, she already had those. She could never image telling Harry and Ron about her depression.

A confidant?

An ear?

'Struggling from the war? Everyone around you coping perfectly fine, and you're falling apart? Looking for someone to owl a few times a week, to vent, to share my secrets confidentially.'

Hermoine had decided, next weekend she would get a post office box in Hogsmeade. Dobby had promised to deliver her mail to her room daily. And she would owl in her ad to the Daily Prophet. There are only so many secrets you can keep before they start bubbling out.

Dinner was still an hour away, so Hermoine started rereading Hogwarts a History. Tracing the cuts with a finger and feeling the dull pain on her thighs. The addiction was not just the initial pain, it was the reminder of pain until the wound closed. She could already feel that Draco was going to be a great friend this year, but he didn't seem depressed at all. He almost seemed relaxed since the war was over, he could finally be himself.

Would she ever find someone who understood what she was going through?

Dinner was as loud as always, everyone talking louder and louder so the person next to them could hear. Ginny had been chatting about her plan to have Blaise as her latest conquest.

Hermoine looked up at the head table to see the professors chatting merrily, all except for Professor Snape who sat scowling at the crowd of students. Class with him had not been too bad, but he was as strict as ever. All of the students had hoped he would be nicer after the war, but it was clear he had unresolved issues as well.

She was shook from her thoughts when Ginny tapped her shoulder signaling that dinner was over. They walked quietly back up to the dorms, and with a quick goodnight Hermoine was back in the heads dorm.

Draco was already in the heads dorm when she walked in, "How was your day Granger?" He was sitting on the couch when a textbook open on his lap.

"I wish it was May so we can graduate and finally be out of this fucking castle." Hermoine growled and went up to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Finally safe behind her door, she couldn't hide the tears anymore. How can everyone be happy and over the war? Being surrounded by so many people was suffocating her, being back in this castle it felt as if she couldn't breathe anymore. So stuck in her thoughts and misery, she instinctively reached into her jewelry box and pulled out her blade.

"You're never going to be happy. Nobody cares about you. You will always be alone." Chanting her mantra she sliced along her left thigh. Once she finally broke out of her trance, there were so many fresh cuts on her leg. Dabbing the area with a cloth, she could finally breathe. As a head student curfew didn't apply to her, so she threw on a pair of sweatpants and one of Harry's old shirts she left the dorm.

Sitting on the front stairs of the castle she watched the moon rise. The moon will forever think of those who were lost in the war, especially Teddy who was now growing up without his parents.

There were a few spots of blood that were seeping through her pants, she pressed down and watched the stain grow. As she was breathing through her pain, she did not hear the footsteps coming up behind her.

"Rule breaking on the second night of term?" Professor Snape's cold voice came from behind her. His voice snapped her out of her mind and she quickly shifted her legs so he would not see any of the blood.

"Excuse me Sir, but head students do not have a curfew. I will be heading in soon, just needed some fresh air." She looked back at the moon, taking a deep breath hoping he would leave soon.

"Granger, don't start the term off bad. You only have a few months left of schooling, don't want to fail." Of course, just one more thing she needed to fear. Failing out of Hogwarts and not being able to find a job after school.

Hearing his steps fade down the hall, she pulled out her wand and cast a quick cleaning spell on her pants.

Nobody would ever understand the pain she was going through, and nobody will ever find out.

Sneaking back into her dorm she went right to bed, hoping to forget the pain of the day.

Tomorrow she would owl her letter to the Daily Prophet and maybe someone will reply.

**AN- So sorry for taking forever to post and finish this chapter. I promise to be much better at writing now. **


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